a day when i finish a story

6:45 emily goes to work. i say, Turn off the light.

9:45 i get up, bathroom, shower.

9:50 make coffee.

10:00 take dog out while coffee is going. dog pees but doesn't poop and i tell him, slightly annoyed because i don't want to take him out later, Dude, you need to poop, my friend. he looks up at me blankly and wags his tail.

10: 10 go back inside, drink one cup of coffee fast. check my four emails. look at clock and see it is after 10 and tell myself i will get up earlier tomorrow. i go in bedroom and set alarm for 8:30.

10:20 open word file of story i'm going to finish. minimize word file. read literary blogs and get internet literary news. maybe look and see how a basketball team is doing. get another cup of coffee.

10:30 go to bathroom, with coffee. come back out and think that enough time has passed for me to check email again. maximize word file for story i'm going to write last scene for. see that it is now after 10:30 and now i'm really going to get some serious writing done. finish coffee

10: 40 read the first couple paragraphs of the story. get a really good idea for a blog post. go check my blog. check statcounter. see that i have a new 'international' hit. start post, but tell myself i can only start it and save, that i have to finish it later because i have to finish the story first.

10:50 read opening of story again. wonder what emily will think of the first couple paragraphs. try to pretend that i have never read the story before and read it like that. think that she will basically be blown away by it. tell myself i'm just joking but know that i'm sort of serious. think about how rick barthelme might read the opening. think that he'll be pleased and possibly drinking a diet coke. open some older stories and try to read them like i have never read them before, pretending i am either emily or rick barthelme.

11:00 think about what we have to eat for lunch. think that i could probably make one more cup of coffee because i feel that the first two cups might be wearing off a little. go to end of story. write a paragraph, delete some sentences, re-write it. do this for about an hour. decide that it's pretty much finished.

12:00 eat some chex mix/chips with tomatillo salsa/muffin. think that i need to eat a high fiber vegetable at some point in the day.

12:15 play ping-pong for about twenty minutes. pet the cats.

12:25 make a sandwich, consisting of bagel, turkey, cheese, and feel a little depressed about everything.

12:50 don't know what to do. think that my stories are terrible. think that my novel, that i stopped working on because i was writing a lot of stories, is terrible. realize that the coffee has fully worn off. get a little sleepy.

1:15 question my existence. wonder if i should go to help people in a foreign country. wonder if i would've been better living with basho. look out the window, see the trees without leaves, and feel like basho. really want to wander around.

1:45 take dog out.

2:00 tell myself that i will go on a run at 3. wonder what we'll have for dinner. read a book, some chapters or a couple stories.

3:00 get sleepy. decide that i can't run now, that i have to wait. tell myself to close my eyes and just take a short nap.

4:30 wake up. see that it's near dark out. hear emily's car pulling up alongside the house. get computer out, open some stuff, and make it look like i've been working.

5:00 say that i've just finished a story, would she mind reading it while i go on a run? force the computer on her in a subtle way, by saying that she really needs to look at this hilarious video.

5:10 emily asks my why i'm not going on a run. tell her it's a little too cold and dark out. sort of wander around the house, petting cats or eating something. when she makes a noise like hmm, say, What part are you at? if she laughs, say, What part are you at? she asks me to please leave her alone.

5:15 sit down next to her and pretend to read a book, but sort of look over at the computer to see which page she's on and try to gauge her facial reactions.

5:20 try very hard to be quiet and not say anything.

5:25 get annoyed that the phone rang.

5:30 emily says she's finished and that she liked it, she thought it was good. ask what was good? get a sort of vague answer. ask what she thought about a certain character. was he convincing? yes. was his psychology, you know, complex and everything? yeah, i saw that. good, i was going for that. ask what she thought about the prose. she says, Well, what about it? it was clear. clear's good, i say. was it, you know, interesting? yeah, i was interested. say, quickly and annoyedly that she isn't being critical enough and that if she doesn't want to be critical then that's fine. rolls her eyes.

6:00 ask her what she wants for dinner. she doesn't care. ask her what she really thinks of the story.

6:15 ask her what she really thinks of the story.

6:30 pick up dinner. eat some food. get full. say that i was just hungry, my bad for being annoyed or forceful or sort of a dick. she says that that's okay, do i want to play ping-pong? i say sure. i say, can i ask you just one more question about like the descriptions?