i think i'm failing on my blog, therefore in life/snowstorm

this may only be a perception. i haven't posted for some time. i feel as far away from my blog as i am from the moon. like something magical and massive has left me and is slowly passing me by. i may be failing in any number of interpersonal relationships as well.

also, i've been making very bad decisions. on sunday evening, i drove through a snowstorm, a drive which normally takes two hours. it took four hours. i saw cars and children abandoned on the side of the road. the children were eating snow, trying to survive. they had spears and deer carcass. they had become cunning. at one point, it was impossible to see more than twenty feet, it was snowing so hard. everyone going up the mountains had pulled over, except me and a semi and a few other cars, all following the semi. the semi was a beacon of hope to many cars that night, i believe. the news said one inch in asheville; it was more like four or five - i don't feel my decision to drive was wholly my fault, though i may be deluding myself.

when i got into the tennessee mountains, where the traffic always thins out, my car and three other cars headed up the first big mountain hill, going twenty miles an hour, fishtailing on the snow. sadly and frighteningly, the semi was gone. there was no salt down on the roads and no snow plows had been through. we made it up the mountain, then when we reached the peak, to start the descent, two of the cars just stopped and turned on their emergency blinkers. i felt the stopped cars waving at me like, Good luck, you're gonna die. i felt myself look metaphorically at the other car next to me like, Well, fuck it, let's do it and die together stupidly. his/her car went first then i went. i tapped my breaks the whole way down. it seemed to take forever. i kept thinking, I'm going to swerve off the road and die. i will be found at the bottom of a gorge, dead in my car with a tree branch gouged through my stomach and a policeman will say, Moron, to his friend, who will say, Let him be, Scott, he's dead after all. i really did think things like this. then i would think, Focus on driving or you're going to die.

i fishtailed down the mountain, but i was only going like ten miles an hour, so i didn't plummet off a mountain edge, happily. emily was calling hospitals along 26 looking for me. i learned two things: 1) driving in a snowstorm is hard work, don't do it, turn around or stop, you will lose parts of your life anyway due to stress, and 2) a cell phone would have been helpful. i may need to get a cell phone no matter how much i hate them. my neck hurt afterward and still hurts today. this has been a completely factual re-telling.

there are some interesting things happening on html giant. i think some people disliked the post, but i thought it was rather interesting and i had sort of been feeling the same way.