Sunday, March 24, 2013

a few notes on my state of mind

feel really stupid when i type my password into gmail and it doesn't let me into my mail and a little red message appears which says: you changed your password five months ago.

during my spring break, i didn't talk to anyone for the entire week.

thought several times this week: gluten free poo.

thought several times this week: man, been having some really good shits this week.

thought several times this week: probably should just give up writing and die and email every place that is publishing one of my stories in the next few months and tell them, look, i'm really sorry, but i have to withdraw my story, i'm dead.

had a dream where a man was having sex with a woman, which caused her to give birth, and the baby born was an alien baby, which they handed to me, and which i was like, is it going to live? and someone said, i think my mom, no honey, it's definitely going to die, and i was like, oh, and the alien baby was seriously creepy looking (think of stuff from that movie existenz) and then the alien baby was like killing people with a weird tentacle thing or turning them into aliens and we had to kill the baby and then kill all the people it turned into aliens and then its tentacle got me and turned me into an alien and i tried to hide from everyone, but my tongue was turning long and white and glowing and people saw the glowing in my mouth and so i said, okay, just kill me, and someone shot me in the head, like several times, and they said, yep, there's nothing in there, referring to the cavity in my head, which was apparently empty.  really wonder what freud would have to say about this.  probably would latch onto the mother thing.

the book i'm working on, needless to say, is causing me serious dread and anxiety.  


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